My good friend and bandmate, Anson Rutherford and I worked together recording the xylophone and keyboard on this track. I'm pretty sure the keyboard we used belonged to Anson's younger brother, and equally good friend Michael.
Anson and I recorded out of impulse one night on the annual beach trip to North Carolina after each buying a $2.00 miniature xylophone from the local Giant Eagle. We created most of the sample base fucking around for 30 minutes, and then I worked from there with the composition.
This track was also played at a recital for a music composition camp directed by Professor Mark Camphouse, provided by Gorge Mason University (where my mom currently teaches yoga). I was anxious during the recital for a number of reasons, which was only increased by working through audio malfunction in front of 100 parents.
But we pulled through and it felt really good to see a piece of music that I was really insecure about be well received by so many people... parents at least. Mark Camphouse later wrote me a recommendation which helped me get into VCU, for which I cannot thank him enough.
I didn't realize how much was tied to this track until I started typing
lyrics
i have scene which repeats itself in my head.
it's begins with a close up shot of a young man looking into the camera. he pauses tentatively before asking
"do you really mean it, when you say i'm going to make it?"
the camera then rotates 180 degrees to reveal a woman of the same age standing opposite of him.
she extends her right hand, placing her palm softly on his cheek. she gazes at him with a look that falls somewhere in between pity and disdain and says
"the whole world will know will know your name before you even begin to realize what's happening, and you will drown surround by people who've never met you, and never will."
when she says this, her mouth moves and the words are heard, yet the two are not connected. it's not her. it's him.
i don't know if i'm trying to relate it to my own life and experiences, or if it's merely a half formed idea that my brain has chosen to latch onto.
either way, i think about it everyday, and sometimes it scares me.
it's not a visceral fear like my life is in danger
it's instead, a deep rooted feeling of unease, as if i'm observing something i was never meant to see.
i don't know if they're supposed to be humans, or just feelings which have been given physical form by something deep within my subconscious
whatever the answer may be—i'm afraid of her.
credits
from Hey, Smile.,
released April 19, 2018
Samples:
Death Grips - You Might Think He Loves You for Your Money But I Know What He Really Loves You For It's Your Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat
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